So you’re going to be a new dad, hey? Me too. Here are the must know tips on staying present, happy and healthy that all new dads need to know, according to dads who’ve been there.

It’s just like surfing. Stay balanced, stay relaxed and go with the wave.

I recently had a catch up with my close male friends to celebrate the upcoming chapter of parenthood and gain valuable insight into the world of being a dad.

The male version of a baby shower

This is my first child. Although I’m super excited and have attended both Calmbirth and Australian Breastfeeding Association workshops, I really don’t know what I should expect or how to best navigate the change.

Baby showers and blessing ways give women the opportunity to gather, share story and prepare the mother-to-be for this next step. But what about us guys? Why not do the male equivalent?

So, like any good scientist would do, I gathered a diverse group of friends (who pretty much all happen to dads) and asked the difficult key questions to see if I could try and find the trends.

What were the main tips that kept coming up, the key pieces of information, the crucial ideas that seemed to be essential to own the role of fatherhood?

The group – made up of a school teacher, craftsman, health professional, environmental scientist, student, musician, chef, traditional elder and interior designer – was diverse, and meant the feedback I got can be seen as somewhat representative of the new fatherhood experience.

So there we sat, comfortably on the grass between the calm tea tree lakes of Lennox Head and the rolling waves of Seven Mile Beach. Native pandanas protected the light wind as the truths began to emerge.

Acknowledging the transition to fatherhood

I started out, briefly setting the scene:

‘We are gathered here today to celebrate this time of great significance and place blessings on the child who is very soon to be. As part of this intention, I have a selection of questions I would like you all to consider and answer, however you feel fit.’

‘I aim to gain insight into the experience and lessons you have all learned, not only to help me, but to help all new dads in general. I want to cut through the noise and get down to the truth of parenthood, to help live a healthy and balanced life as we transition through and beyond this change.’

‘So put yourself back into that stage when you’re soon to be expecting and consider through to the early weeks and months of the challenges and wins along the way.’

The group contemplated the questions I then put forward, thinking deeply and reliving some of those early and precious moments.

How could they help all future dads to not have to make the same mistakes? How could they help new fathers to thrive?

Their answers showed trends and revealed key distinct themes.

I’ll share those with you now.

Tips for new dads

1. You will be uncertain about this time, your role and what to do

There was an unequivocal response that the group had significant uncertainty as they approached this new chapter of fatherhood.

But – as equally common – they all found their feet and worked out a unique framework as the weeks turned to months.

Even those who thought they had it under control realised that the reality was different to what was expected, so assumptions were forgotten and left behind.

It’s just like surfing. Stay balanced, stay relaxed and go with the wave.

The key uncertainties related to not really knowing how to help. Where do I fit into these early weeks and months? How can I play a role and help the family as we navigate the change?

For starters, they suggested the following:

• Your partner needs to eat and stay hydrated, and won’t have a chance to get if for themselves. Keep food on the plate and fresh water in a bottle;
• Regularly check the water filter is stocked. Your partner needs to drink lots, particularly if breastfeeding;
• Prepare simple but nutritious meals. If your partner is breastfeeding, make sure meals can be easily eaten with one hand.

Breakfast suggestions include a bowl of porridge, sprinkled with a selection of nuts and seeds. Accompany with a fresh smoothie made with organic fruit (banana, blueberries, strawberries), organic yoghurt, freshly picked kale and a teaspoon of chia, almonds and linseeds. Top up with filtered water and press go on the blender.

For dinner, batch cook to save time and energy. Slow cooked curries or pastas and stir-fries work a treat. Big meals with plenty of fresh vegetables that you can package into serves and place into the freezer.

You will be tired and sometimes won’t feel like cooking. Have a backup meal ready to go.

2. You’ll have to sift through mountains of advice

When it came to advice, this was topic that caused a few laughs and frowns.

Everyone will give you advice. Some is good, some is bad and it is often very conflicting. Listen to the people you respect and take on only what works for you. Only you know how to look after your family the way you can.

They most important tip that guys in the group know now (and wished they knew before) was it will be okay.

There will be times when it feels unmanageable. There will be times when you think you will break. But then it will change, and it will again be great and completely under control. And then it will change again. Accept the ever changing nature and enjoy the journey. That is the beauty of it. That is the key. Acceptance of the change.

3. You don’t need (or need to spend) as much as you think

When it came to asking about things you need and things that are a waste of money, the response was varied, but a general consensus was found:

• Get a good car seat, one that will last for more than six months.
• Get a good pram, go into a shop and choose the one you like, don’t think about the money. Then, when you know which one it is, go onto a sales site (Gumtree, Facebook Marketplace, etc.) and find that exact one. You will be surprised how many you find and how much cheaper it will be.
• Get a good place to sleep (such as a co-sleeper bassinet), but again ask your friends. Often they will have one ready to go. Buy a new mattress.

Initially, this is all you really need, along with some clothes, nappies and wipes. Start light with the essentials. Build up from there.

And, they added, don’t believe the marketing hype and the shop lists that tell you all the things you need. You don’t.

4. Be responsive to your partners needs

When I asked about supporting your partner through the birth and during the postnatal period, there was a mixed response.

‘Keep them hydrated and have small snacks (such as protein balls, frozen berries), to maintain energy,’ said one of the guys.

Every birth is different,’ said another, ‘so it is difficult to know exactly how it will unfold. Have a plan, but be flexible, you will likely need to be. And trust the process, because women have been doing this for time eternal. It is built into their DNA. We just need to provide support and stay present and let the journey unfold.’’

And finally ‘Just be there for them and show love, compassion and care. Breathe and stay calm.’

5. If nothing else, find ways to do this one thing

When it comes to the one thing all expectant dads need to know, as mushy as it sounds, love was the top response.

Love for your partner, love for your child, love for the new family life that you’re all creating together.

‘Show them love like only you can. The child that has chosen us, has chosen to be part of our lives, and has chosen to learn from us and teach us.’

Whether you believe in being chosen or not is beside the point; acknowledge your partner as she recovers from birth and adapts to her new role as mother; be present and gentle and loving with your new baby, who will pick up on more than you think.

And be loving to yourself. This is a huge moment in your life. A time of uncertainty and beauty like no other where you get to witness the magic of biology in action, the brilliant design of humankind.

It might be tough in places, but you can do it.

It’s just like surfing. Stay balanced, stay relaxed and go with the wave.